Tag Archives: Reviews

Nope, Not Candy Crush, Something Betterer!

Rats, Cheese...Alphabets?
Rats, Cheese…Alphabets?

Back in 2012, a game was released that established mobile and casual gaming as not only a force to be reckoned with, but the most dominating force in the market today.  No, that game is not Alpha Betty Saga.  The game I am referring to is one that even starving kids in the Congo know.  A game that everyone plays, even if they say they don’t.  It’s a game that essentially stole a variety of mechanics of other casual puzzle games and put them all together into one game and put a snazzy title on it.  The game gets progressively harder as you make progress, almost to the point of where progress is only happening if you are buying “power-ups” for $.99 a pop.  Cheap, yeah?  Until you realized someone in your household has bought fifty of those power-ups to beat level 300.  That game is called Candy Crush Saga.  A game so successful, that Activision Blizzard (World of Warcraft) purchased King, the company that made it, for almost $6 billion.

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Clash of Clans

Do you like playing games that involve waiting, for days possibly, in order to get more powerful?  Do you like the challenges of going up against others in games of thought, particularly laying out a military base that is designed to kill all invaders?  How about the offensive, where planning an attack is as simple as ordering up massive numbers of basic units, or as complex as learning how to compliment different troops?

Clash of Clans is one of those mobile games that I spent a many a moon avoiding, casting it off as another one of those Farmville type games with no point.  Well, Clash is not “just” one of those games.

Spit always sells well.

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Getting Lost (For Real) With Britney Spears.

This is going to be embarrassing.
This is going to be embarrassing.

Released: January 12, 1999
Recorded: August 1997 to June 1998
Recorded In: Sweden
Genre: Pop
Length: 42:20
Label: Jive
Producer: The All Seeing I, Jörgen Elofsson, David Kreuger, Kristian Lundin, Per Magnusson, Max Martin, Rami, Eric Foster White

You know, when I was younger I was kind of silly about music.  I really liked everything, with a bent for the heavier musings of Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, and Marilyn Manson.  However, I was a music video nerd and I appreciated fun and interesting music videos.  I also had a thing for chicks who dressed provocatively like most teenagers do today  and when Britney Spears popped onto my television with her first music video, I was enjoying the catchy tune and of course, the school girl outfit.  (Who would have thunk that America’s teen bomb shell pop singer would go on to record such hits like “Gimme More” that starts out with “It’s Britney Bitch!”).

If you think I am here to review this song and give it some professional write up, no.  No sir, not this time.  This time, it’s story time and I must warn you – to capture the full impact of the story, some explicit language will be apart of the article below.

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Stephen King’s Under the Dome

This is what real book jackets should look like.
This is what real book jackets should look like.

“Lengthy” doesn’t really describe Stephen King’s Under the Dome.  Epically enduring is probably more fitting, as the 1000+ page book spins a story of a small town thrown into chaos by being cut off from the world via a dome.  One similar to those fancy force fields we see on sci-fi films, except this dome does not have an exit or entrance, it blocks all directions.  As far as a story confined to just one chunk of land goes, King manages to tell quite a tale that focuses on human interaction and reaction in a time of crisis, which puts the characters before the mystery, which is a major failure of the current television show of the same name.

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Funny Reviews Only on Amazon!

Believe it or not, some of the best written humor is found not on a comedy website, but instead, on the monolithic online department store, Amazon.  That humor is found in the review section for certain products and it seems the more mundane an item, the funnier the review.  For Example:

1. Three-Wolf Moon T-Shirt

This shirt is epic.

By Amazon Customer on November 10, 2008

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that’s when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to ‘howl at the moon’ from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn’t have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn’t settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the ‘guns’), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

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