The Most Unnecessary Film to Hit Theaters – If I Stay

ifistaymovieposter

Okay, let’s get two things out of the way.  I hate romance/love movies and the girl doesn’t die.  This article will be written in quite a biased tone and if you happen to love this movie, you may want to move along.  There is nothing here for you.  With those things being said, let’s just get on with it.

If I Stay is a love/tragedy movie where a young lady named Mia is a cello playing prodigy.  The film depicts this well enough, but after finishing, I would have rather watched a film about a cello prodigy and not a wishy washy teenager who can’t take control of her emotions.  This is typical teenage stuff, which means teenagers should be watching it.  Not fucking adults.

My theater experience was more interesting than the film itself.  I was wedged between my wife and some middle aged blonde haired lady who asked me not to make fun of her for not crying.  I didn’t, but I wish I would have had a box of tissues, she was basically sobbing in the films last half when all of her family starts dieing.  The wife even shed a few tears.  I just sat there and poured sweat and wondered if there was a glitch in the matrix.  How did this Lifetime Movie get a big screen release and why was it 36 hours long?  My phone said we were only in there for 2 hours, but my internal calendar was telling me it was 5AM Sunday morning or something (Don’t check my math, I am an English teacher).

It was a mushfest of teen hormones and love, love, love.  I certainly hope the men in the audience got laid, laid, laid, because..damn… There was a golden opportunity to end the film a few seconds sooner to give it a better ending, but no, they decided to ensure us that Mia survived.  I’m not someone who loves the idea of killing people, but she needed to die.  I needed to shed man tears, instead, I booed quietly.

The most appalling part of the film is the standing ovation the audience gave it.  My only thought is that they were happy the torture of If I Stay was over.

1 out of 5 stars for me, but if you love this stuff, you will likely think it is 5 out of 5.

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